Come riconoscere se fai parte di una famiglia invischiata?
Crescere in una famiglia invischiata significa subire un eccesso di preoccupazione e protezione, dove ogni tentativo di separazione o allontanamento dei membri viene ostacolato o considerato come un tradimento.
La famiglia invischiata teme fortemente il cambiamento, che viene visto come una minaccia al senso di appartenenza e provocherebbe uno sconvolgimento insostenibile.
I confini relazionali tra i vari membri in questo tipo di famiglia non sono ben definiti, tanto che spesso il genitore vede il figlio come un prolungamento di sé e questo è può portare a conseguenze dannose per entrambi.
A tal proposito, i genitori in queste famiglie contano spesso sui loro figli per il supporto emotivo, si aspettano che vivano nelle vicinanze e seguano un percorso professionale specifico.
I ruoli sono spesso inappropriati, come il genitore che diventa il migliore amico del figlio e quest’ultimo il confidente del genitore e ci si aspetta che lui mantenga i segreti di famiglia
Se sei cresciuto in una famiglia con queste caratteristiche, potresti sentirti come se non avessi mai voce in capitolo su ciò che desideri nella vita al di fuori di ciò che riguarda la famiglia. In molti casi, in queste famiglie, ci si aspetta che il bambino realizzi i sogni non realizzati dei suoi genitori.
Quali possono essere le conseguenze a lungo termine?
Gli effetti a lungo termine dell’intreccio possono avere un impatto sulla vita di un individuo nell’adolescenza e nell’età adulta.
Fra quelli più comuni, citiamo:
– Problemi di autostima, spesso a causa di una mancanza di identità e senso di sé.
– Relazioni instabili, sulla scia dell’instabilità familiare appresa.
– Problemi o disturbi alimentari, nel tentativo di ricercare una sorta di controllo (disfunzionale) nella vita.
– Disturbi da uso di sostanze e comportamenti autodistruttivi. Per cercare di alleviare il proprio dolore emotivo alcune persone possono ricorrere ad alcol, droghe e altri comportamenti di dipendenza.
– Sintomi somatici, problemi di salute fisica, come mal di testa, stanchezza, problemi di sonno e dolore cronico.
3 suggerimenti per iniziare a svincolarti
Come accennato in precedenza, la consapevolezza è il primo passo per guarire una relazione invischiata.
1. Diventa abile nel riconoscere i segnali di “allarme”
Questo articolo può esserti di aiuto nel riconoscere tutti quei comportamenti che emergono all’interno della tua famiglia. Adesso che li sai, prova a riconoscerli nella tua quotidianità. Diventare consapevole di questi meccanismi ti permetterà di prenderne le distanze e trovare soluzioni alternative.
2. Assumiti la responsabilità dei tuoi sentimenti (e di nessun altro)
Nelle famiglie invischiate spesso c’è molta confusione anche rispetto alle emozioni. In assenza di confini ben definiti fra i membri, le emozioni vagano liberamente ed è difficile capire se quell’emozione ti appartiene o invece è il riflesso di un’emozione altrui.
Fai uno sforzo consapevole per assumerti la responsabilità dei tuoi sentimenti, non aspettarti che i tuoi cari si portino il peso delle tue emozioni o viceversa che sia esclusivamente tu a doverlo portare; ed evita di provare a mettere gli altri più a loro agio tentando di cambiare il loro stato emotivo.
3. Inizia a stabilire dei limiti
Pensa bene alle situazioni in cui ti senti invaso, in cui senti che il tuo confine è stato valicato. Individuane alcune e focalizzale bene nelle loro dinamiche. Pensa al modo in cui puoi, invece, comportarti diversamente e rispettarti di più. Quando senti che si ripresentano queste situazioni, sii diretto e assertivo senza essere duro o critico nel rimettere la persona al suo posto. Presta molta attenzione ai tuoi sentimenti e assicurati di mantenere i limiti che ti sei prefissato.
In conclusione…
Certamente questi suggerimenti non sono la soluzione a tutti i mali! Ma sono un ottimo punto di partenza per avere chiarezza della situazione ed iniziare a muovere i primi passi verso il cambiamento.
Se ti rendi conto che le cose non migliorano o che gli strumenti dell’articolo non sono più sufficienti, puoi sempre contattare uno Psicologo.
Bibliografia
Haley, J. (1973). Terapie non comuni. Roma: Astrolabio, 1976.
Scabini, E., Iafrate, R. (2003). Psicologia dei legami famigliari. Bologna: Il Mulino.
Nardone, G., Giannotti, E., Rocchi, R. (2001). Modelli di famiglia. Milano: Ponte alle Grazie.
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